Child's Play & Change Management

Child’s Play and Change Management

Organizational change is really complex. Parenting is really tough. The parallels are altogether astounding, and looking at how we navigate parenting provides some needed principles to guide our change leadership. I’ve assimilated my top ten lessons learned from my 9 month old and my 2 and a half (going on 13) year old.

Space out the good, space out the bad… overload is real.

Burnout is real. Whether that be from a birthday celebration that has gone a little too long with a few too many people, a Christmas celebration with a couple too many presents and far too many cookies, or whether it be from too many changes happening to our frontline employees all at once. Understanding the capacity of your team and their thresholds will allow the change – even positively perceived change – to be spaced correctly. Pile too much on at once, and the ability to adapt and thrive will be replaced with overwhelming frustration.

Distract with the positive, not the negative.

In order to get my daughter to choke down the last couple bites of vegetable soup, my wife and I would sometimes resort to singing a song between bites, or making funny faces between each. In our organizations, that connection of varying tasks and varying rewards can be important. “You may not like that you have to now do this extra step, but remember we didn’t change your favorite part!” or “It saves time — meaning we can do more of ….” As with a child, though, this has to be done sparingly– overused and it’s insincere and annoying.

Set the toy two steps up, not at the top of the stairs.

When trying to get our daughter to climb the stairs, she would often get distracted. So, to keep her moving, I would always keep her toy just two steps above where she was at. When she climbed, I would move the toy to the next step. When I tried to just put her little stuffed elephant at the top of the stairs, it had no impact. Our employees need to see their daily successes and be able to work toward a goal that is within reach. They need to be reminded of the goal, and measure incrementally. In changes, this is especially critical as we are developing new patterns of behavior. Make the rewards tangible, measurable, and achievable for the greatest forward progress.

Reasoning in the middle of frustration doesn’t work.

In the middle of asking Adalie to do something she is not excited about, logic is not going to change her mind. “Adalie, it’s time to stop playing and take your nap. If you don’t get the required 12 hours of sleep, you will feel fatigued, irritable, and not have the energy you need to play in the park tomorrow. You will whine and Daddy will get frustrated, and therefore you will end up in time-out three times more often than if you just stop and sleep now.” How often do leaders waste their breath trying to convince their team that something is a really great idea when it is obvious that this is not a shared belief? Allow for the resistance to be verbalized, and realize it is not logical. That’s ok. The employee wants to be heard … not to hear about your data, your plan, or even your eloquent vision.

Knowing her favorites gives me leverage in behavior.

My daughter is somewhere on the potty training journey. I’d love to say we are done, but my wife and I have yet to find the consistent ‘prize’ that connects. That leaves us daily having to find the right ‘win’ for the day. Sometimes it may be a sticker, a special time reading books together, or even the promised Chick-fil-A for a perfect day. Leaders must be flexible on their reinforcement, understanding the uniqueness of their individual team members, as well as the fact that preferences will change based on the change, their life situation, and a plethora of other environmental factors.

Repetition is key. Make it fun.

Adalie loves to sing. We would like for her to memorize a variety of things like Bible verses, days of the week, and the months of the year. Combining the two creates beautiful harmony in what she likes to do, and what we hope for her. We can dance to those songs while we are walking to the park or driving in the car. Leaders must learn the skills of consistent messaging which can be repeated back. Whether it be gamification of learning, or multiple opportunities for team members to see the message and ingrain new habits, repetition is key to sustained change.

Praise goes a long way.

The way young Adalie lights up at my ‘ooo’s” and “ahhh’s” towards her colorful scribbles cannot be taken from my memory or hers. Leaders cannot simply connect by email, or at a weekly meeting, and assume they are caring well for their teams. They must find ways to be present with the team, and affirm the details of their success.

Empathize and name the emotion.

I am amazed at the amount of whining and crying that can be subsided when I simply slow down, and present what I am observing to my daughter. “Adalie, it looks like you are very upset because you have to stop playing with the Playdoh. Is that correct?” Once feelings are validated and acknowledged, we are able to slowly move forward. Our teams are the same. They want above all else to be heard. They want to know that we are paying attention, and yet they aren’t always looking for you to solve the problem. Create opportunities to listen. Be intentional in calling out the emotions you are observing. Feel the pain of the change along with them.

Be present.

It truly amazes me that my presence in a room changes how my daughter feels. She went through a season of fear at night, and I would uncomfortably lay on the hard floor next to her bed, allowing her mind to safely float into sweet little dreams. Leaders sometimes need to be quiet and just be present. Be alongside, be visible, and quit trying to think of the right thing to say. Be present.

Be ready for a roller coaster.

The high’s and low’s of emotions seem to hit warp-speed at times in our home with the cries of agony instantly transforming into the laughter that makes the room light up like a 4th of July sky. As leaders, somewhere along the line, we were taught that calm is good. The only problem with that is that calm isn’t always honest. We need the create space for the fullest expression of emotions. This allows us, as leaders, to know how to support our teams and how to join with them as they experience resistance to change – and the joys of adoption and success. Emotions change and fluctuate. Don’t create teams of robots, rather simply ebb with your team through the high’s and low’s of each week.

You may be thinking “isn’t it condescending to look at your team as toddlers?” to which I would reply, No. The most powerful teacher is the connected story. And for those of you with children, there is no more powerful story than that of life with a child. Glean the lessons. Apply the principles, and allow yourself the grace to grow in your change leadership, just as you share grace with your little ones.